


Afraid Of Being Real

by drunkicarus



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Dean-Centric, Denial of Feelings, Episode Tag, Episode: s15e02 Raising Hell, M/M, Self-Doubt, spn spoiler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 02:09:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21110948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkicarus/pseuds/drunkicarus
Summary: We aresaid Cas. But Dean is afraid.





	Afraid Of Being Real

_We Are_ .  
It’s a second, just a single fleeting moment, but he hopes.  
For the length of those short words, hope engulfs him and Dean Winchester forgets what is happening. All of it, all the ugly shit Chuck, God, thrown in their way, all that happened before. Mom, Jack,  _Cas_ .  
But hope never last, not for him, not in his line of work, he learned that a long time ago the hard way.  
Anger comes back, makes him feels numb, makes him feel like breaking things and shouting at the wrong people because that destructive force doesn’t care about anything and anyone.  
He’s tired. He’s so incredibly tired. Of this mess. All the messes. Life, everything.  
Everything he has ever done, all his actions, all his errors, all the people he ever lost, all the monsters he ever killed, all those years in Hell. All for nothing.  
Just a farce, a circus born for the mere entertainment of an all knowing jackass.  
What they can do now if all they’re good at is being little hamsters running and running again in the same maze, on the same stupid route?  
How can he trust himself if his entire life has been a poor script of a mediocre novel?  
He’s afraid.  
He doesn’t really know about what, maybe everything. Maybe dying without ever been able to make a real difference after suffering so much, after losing everything over and over again for a world fated to be destroyed in an unavoidable Apocalypse.  
_We Are_ .  
Maybe he’s afraid of that. Of what lay unsaid between them.  
Because after those words never came a list of names. No, them. Just them.  
Maybe he’s afraid of what he feels is not real.  
Something he never uttered, never really accepted. How could he? How could he risk that being ripped away, lose someone that so long ago became irreplaceable?  
Someone that, nevertheless, he always treated so bad that how they were still there, together, was a mystery.  
He doesn’t know how to react at those words so he flees, he escape a confrontation that he knows they need to have. But he’s afraid that that too is just a sick joke that will, now of all times, break them.  
Or maybe it’s the knowledge that if it’s not that joke, it will be him to break them apart, dig a trench so deep and large that they will never be able to see each other like before.  
He’s angry. He’s tired. He’s scared.  
So he does what he does best, bottle up and wait.  
_We Are_ .  
They are real.  
Dean Winchester hopes, for once, that it is true, even if he’s afraid, because Cas said so.  
Maybe, just maybe, if they can survive and pull this off, they will be.  
He will go to the angel and utter without fear that yes, they are real.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi fellas!  
So, this is my first fic ever in english and the first on this website.  
English is not my first language and unfortunately I don't have a beta. If you read all of this, I'm so sorry for any typo or other atrocities but from the bottom of my heart i say thank you.


End file.
